Become an Insti ‘Gawd’

- Nikhil ‘Sutta’ Joseph

[Below is an article that appeared in the first-ever issue of MAgazette, sometime between the Paleolithic Age and 2007. The level of authenticity and effectiveness of these tips have been the subject of much dispute amongst the Eds who, however, collectively agree that the piece should be re-named "Make friends with the HSS department". But in keeping with our current trend of freshie-centric articles and given that the people of the said department will tell you that 'gawd'ness is a matter of perspective, readers are encouraged to soak it in in that spirit.]

1. Embrace Atheism.
A must-do for any aspiring campus (pseudo) intellectual. Quote Nietzsche generously, even if completely irrelevant to the ongoing conversation.

2. Cultivate (pseudo-) Communist/Socialist tendencies.
Yes, I know. All you ever wanted from life was to be able to work for that huge multinational hedge fund and earn pots of money. But meanwhile, whilst still in college, you want everyone to think you’re the next ‘Che’.
Wear a bandana (preferably red). Grow some facial hair. Be seen carrying the Hindu (reading not compulsory). Keep harping about how Saarang is such a ‘sell-out’, and why the only reason you seem to enjoy yourself so much when it actually does come around is because of your laudable sense of campus spirit.

3. Inculcate the use of the term ‘sly’.
Sly. Although the etymology and actual definition of this remarkably flexible term remain shrouded in obscurity, fret not over such trivialities. No self-respecting, well-known campus-ite [?!] can afford to go without generous dosages of this particular term in his/her day-to-day conversation. E.g.
IITian A: Hey dude, how’d your quiz go today?
IITian B: Sly bad.
A: Eh, which means it wasn’t that great but you did all right. Right?
B: Sly no da. Not at all. I did pretty well, sly.
A: But then why’d you say ‘sly bad’?
B: Gen.
A: O.Kaay. whatever. Catchya later.
B: Sly, sure thing. Slyyyyyyy…
As you might have guessed, IITian A is obviously an ignorant nobody, and an unabashedly shameless Smart Alec.
B though? Definitely stud.

4. Fashion yourself as a big LitSoc fiend.
Let’s face it. You suck at sports. Your CG is nothing worth speaking off, and you know very well you’re not going to pull off any wonders at Shaastra. How then do you accumulate a reasonable amount of ‘Gawd-levelness’? The answer: LitSoc.

Frequent any and all LitSoc events. Pretend you’re this big culture vulture. Refer to well-known Indian theatre luminaries like Girish Karnad and Roysten Abel as your ‘homies’.

5. Have affiliations with different philosophical schools every semester.
Now there’s nothing like some good ol’ philosophical jingoism to prove your solid intellectual credentials. Just remember, change schools often, and the obscurer the better.
Schools you could try; Taoism, Post Structuralism, Paganism, and the philosophy of Kierkegaard. (Remember: obscurity is key, lest anyone actually competent show up.)

6. Craft nifty, yet only just unique enough (and not plain weird) idiosyncrasies.
People love other people who are (only) slightly eccentric. Fashion yourself such an image. Examples;
• Pretend you’re this big Linux and Open Source fiend. Spew forth things like:
‘Death to Bill Gates!’
• After 6 pm act like a lovable village drunk.
• Refer to Minar* as ‘Valhalla’. [*Eds' note to the uninitiated: Minar was the Basera of a couple of years ago.]

7. Lead people to believe you actually give a damn about your hostel winning the Schroeter.
Belt out, say, “Who will win the Schroeter? Tambi, Tambi**”, at inappropriate times. Such as; during a boring EML, whilst having breakfast at Himalaya, when an innocent motorist asks directions to Ganga. [**Eds' note: Ha!]

8. Oblige anyone who’ll listen with your ‘fundaes’.
It doesn’t matter whether it concerns remarkably mundane things like which grass is better to lie down on - Himalaya lawns, Library lawns or the grassy patch near SAC.

9. Be seen often at Taramani gate.
Ok, let’s just assume that due to some unforeseeable cosmic convulsions you don’t end up being the insti ‘gawd’ you set out to be, despite religiously following the nine guidelines stated above. Here’s what to do. I once heard a story about this Jam guy who apparently set an insti record by not bathing for 55 days. Cut back on your own personal hygiene and beat this Jam guy! Even if not a ‘gawd’, you can definitely be assured a place for posterity as a campus folktale

Freshmen FAQ

ABOUT IIT-M

1. Is there ragging at IITM?
No, Ragging is officially banned on campus. Along with that the IIT-Madras student community is averse to any indecent acts committed under the banner of ‘interaction’. Strong administrative policies have been put in place to make sure your transition into IIT-Madras is as smooth as possible. However, in an unlikely scenario, if you are subjected to any kind of harassment, kindly report that to the GCU Team at the earliest and without any fear.

2. What are the chances of getting a branch change?
The process of branch change is a mechanism to change your stream of engineering in-case you are not fully satisfied with your current line of study. Applications for branch change will be called in before your first semester ends. You can change to either a more, or less, preferred branch, as per JEE distribution. Only 10% of each branch are allowed to change their branch. The sole criteria is your CGPA in your first semester. Only a very small portion of applicants are finally allowed to change their stream of engineering.

3. Is there a common kitchen in a hostel? Are we allowed to bring heaters/electric cookers?
No, there is no common kitchen. All food requirements are fulfilled by the mess facilities. There are a few eateries also in the campus. Use of heaters/electric cookers etc. in rooms is strictly not allowed.

4. Do I need to wash my laundry or is there any kind of service available?
There will be a service provider who follows a fixed collection and delivery schedule for all the hostels. Students need to be present at their hostels at a specific time (according to schedule) to avail laundry service. Moreover, there will be washing machines available in every hostel. And if you’re lucky, they might actually work.

5. I have heard that Chennai is very hot. Do I need to get some woollens?
Yes. No.

6. Is there any dress code at IITM?
No. There is no dress code for classes, labs and hostel in general. There are uniforms for workshop and NCC, some dressing rules for NSO and lab coats are required for Chemistry labs.

10. How are the sports facilities at IITM? What is Schroeter (& freshie schroeter)and Dean's trophy?
You can refer the institute website and the sports website for info.

11. Are the selections for NSO/NCC/NSS rigid, in the sense, is there some fixed number of students they take? I was a part of my school team in XYZ(sport/extra-curricular activity). Will I get a chance to represent IITM in the same field(or in INTER-IIT etc)?
The procedure for selections into NSO/NSS/NCC is fixed. Students will have to participate once applications are called for and will be selected as per criteria required.

12. I've heard freshmen at IITM are given nicknames. How does this happen? Do i get to choose my nickname?
Nicknames are a part of popular student culture here at IIT Madras. However it is not necessary that every fresher be christened with a new nickname. Such names are given by seniors out of “affection” hence should be taken light heartedly.



GENERAL

1. How/Where/When will I receive my student ID card?
In the first few days you will be asked to fill in a form for the issue of your ID card.

2. Should I buy a computer or a laptop?
It is not that necessary to buy one in your first year. You will not be given access to internet in your rooms in your first year. The library, respective departments and hostels are equipped with computer centres which might cater to your needs. Further, we highly recommend both to parents and students, to delay the purchase computer till the end of first year. There will be computer based assignments during the course of 1st year study however adequate computing infrastructure is available throughout campus.

3. I am coming with my parents. How and where in the campus can I book accommodation for them?
The Taramani Guest House provides accommodation to visitors, and guests. If accommodation is not available there, you can book in hotels near the campus in localities like Adyar or Thiruvanmayur.

4. From where can I get a bicycle? We are not allowed to use motorised vehicles in the campus but can we get one and use for travel in the city?
Bicycle can be bought at shops in Adyar or Velachery, which are just outside campus. There is also a cycle sale in campus at discounted prices. Use of powered vehicles by students is banned on campus. Institute jurisdiction is restricted to within the campus.

5. What are the constraints on time spent outside hostel? Can we go to our LG's (local guardian) place as and when we like? Where do we need to inform/report the same?
Yes, you can go out on weekends, you will need to inform the hostel authorities (office)/fill in the log book whenever you need to go out. This is a requirement during the first few months of your joining IIT-M.


ACADEMICS

1. I will be competing with some of the best in the country. Will there be a need to study 24*7 ?
Academics will form an important part of your student life however it will be one of the many things you would be required to indulge in. Several Co-curricular and extra-curricular activities happen on campus and we strongly encourage you to participate in them. IIT-M gives you ample opportunity to graduate as a well-rounded individual.

2. I have heard we will have tests in English, PCM in our first week at IITM. How should we prepare for such tests? Will they count in our GPA ?
You will have only an English exam in your first days here. This is only to identify those not so good in English and to provide them an opportunity to improve. Exam will be based on basic English grammar. They won’t count in your GPA. Regarding calculation of GPA and details refer institute guide book.


3. How is Grade Point Average(GPA) calculated? How is it different from CGPA?
GPA (Grade Point Average) is a weighted average of your grades in all your courses taken that semester. CGPA is the cumulative average of your GPA’s in every semester.

4. What will my timetable be in my first semester?
Your timetable in your first semester, as in all your subsequent semesters, is put together based on a slot system. It is dissimilar from a regular school timetable